So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
