I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
