I'm so fucking centered right now
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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