Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
