i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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