So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
