Im at strip club and am horny
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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