he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
