piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
