I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
