Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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