I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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