i just had sex bonerless
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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