Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
