How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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