he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
