The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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