After last night, I could never be a politician.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize