Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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