I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
