If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
