I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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