this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
