We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i believe in u and ur pee
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
