Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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