I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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