I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
