fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Let's get the cat blown out
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
