dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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