i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
