the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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