I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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