were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
