Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
