I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I love you. Go after that dick
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
