Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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