Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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