I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
