He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
