i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
