It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
