just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
