i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
