Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
