I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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