Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
