you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
