you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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