Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
