I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
