So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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