I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
