dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
