How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
