She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
