I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
