In the future we'll all be gay
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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