One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
