i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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