the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
