I wannas sexs uuuuu
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
