Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
