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Scissors
Fuck
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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