great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
