How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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