I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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