ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
