I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize