I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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