why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
