i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
