you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
