Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
