what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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