Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
