the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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