anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
