sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
