I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
