marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im holly from the hills drunk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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