One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
