The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
