just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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