I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
