yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
