its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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