is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
