yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
