Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
