How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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