This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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