he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
