Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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