We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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